Category Archives for How To Make Him Commit

3 Reasons Why Men Won’t Commit To You

There’s a great lyric from an old 80s rock song that sticks in my head to this day:

“When the heart rules the mind, one look and love is blind…”

It’s a romantic – and fairly accurate – observation.

But does the heart ever rule the mind when it comes to men?

Why does it seem like he won’t let his heart win when it comes to committing to your relationship?

There has been so much speculation on why men won’t commit to you, even after he’s fallen for you.

Now I need to put an end to this and explain to you the REAL reason why men won’t commit.

I get tired of hearing all the women’s magazines theories as to “why men don’t commit” that I felt I needed to set the story straight.

First – let’s get rid of some of the myths about why men won’t commit…

MYTH #1 for why men won’t commit: Bad Timing

Really?

Let me ask you something…

Would you ever turn down a promotion and a raise at work because you need to wait for the timing to be right for the RIGHT promotion?

Would you turn down a delicious seafood dinner because you’d rather eat in a half hour?

Has there ever really been a “bad” time to drink water to keep yourself hydrated and alive?

My point is this: If something is truly good, you’ll make it work out for you.

If he sees that this relationship is really as great (as it should be for him to commit to you, right?) – if he sees that, would he really deprive himself of having you just because of … timing??

I mean if someone offers you a $250 meal at a superb restaurant, you’d jump on it in a heartbeat. Even if you had just finished supper.

But if it was McDonalds, then maybe you could wait.

Well, maybe you look too much like McDonalds to HIM. (?)

You see, the truth is that men see relationships as being in one of three stages:

1- Not having sex yet…
2- Having sex
3- Getting intimate and serious (AKA “committed”)

If he won’t go from stage 2 to stage 3 with you, he’s into the sex, there’s something about taking it to the next level that doesn’t appeal to him.

And it’s not a general fear of emotion or commitment, either. I know it confirms many women’s suspicions to believe that all men are broken in this way, but it’s not true.

And if I don’t set the record straight for you, you might never know what really stops you from getting the love you deserve.

You need to know what signal you’re giving off that he’s misreading and fix it so that he sees you as the prize you believe to be.

Well, there is a place where this timing does get in the way. And that’s if he’s in a very particular stage of life.

I’ll explain that one in a bit. Next up is…

MYTH #2 for why men won’t commit: Work is crazy…

BZZZZZT!

Sorry…

Men only give up quality time with their girl for work when work seems like a better way to spend his time.

But the scary thought you might be entertaining is that YOU might be making him feel this way, isn’t it?

You could be afraid you’re pushing him away, and he’s retreating into work.

Thankfully, however, this isn’t usually the case.

Human beings usually only spend time on those things we truly WANT to be doing at that moment.

There is a time in a man’s life when his work will take priority over you. Usually when he’s trying to provide for you.

But by far, the most fantastic reason for not committing that I hear is this next one…

MYTH #3 for why men won’t commit: The relationship is so amazing – it scares him!

This one is right up there with the denial reason: “I’m too good for him!”

Otherwise known as: “He doesn’t deserve me…”

Proclaiming that you’re better than him – and that this is a reason he won’t commit to you is ridiculous. And it’s a defense mechanism, not a reason.

If he didn’t want to date you for any reason, your playing the “I’m going to jack up my self-esteem card” with this kind of reasoning is asking for trouble down the road.

Guys don’t leave relationships because they fall into a pit of despair over how far short he falls from your grace, either.

Men simply don’t deprive themselves of love. He’s not scared of all that love and juicy affection.

It’s another illogical rationalization.

What he does fear is settling for an average relationship when he knows he could keep looking for a fantastic one.

I know, I know…

You’re a fantastic woman that would make his life something extraordinary – and make him happy for the rest of his life.

But are you showing that to him…?

Ah, therein lies the rub, as Shakespeare said.

But now we’ve reached the ultimate myth about why men don’t commit…

MYTH #4 – Why he won’t commit to you: COMMITMENT PHOBIA!!

Sounds pretty scary, huh?

After all, if there’s a reason a man wouldn’t want to stay in a relationship with you, it must be because he’s a horn dog with an inability to commit – and deep seated emotional issues that label him as not only immature but as a borderline narcissist.

Yes, that was supposed to be sarcastic.

The problem with that whole concept is that it’s just not true. Very few men are “commitment phobic.”

Men don’t fear committing… we do it all the time. From the car we buy to the career we choose, we do commit.

We don’t FEAR commitment, ladies…what we men fear is entrapment and emasculation.

There’s a big difference, and I’ll explain it to you now – as we get into the 3 REAL reasons men won’t – or don’t – commit…

REAL Reason He Won’t Commit #1: He sees a scary pattern.

That scary pattern is – of course – this:

1) He started dating you and things were great…

2) Things got serious, and he was still okay…

3) Until you started to change from the cool chick he started dating into this rather neurotic mess that needed to know “where this is going” and “what you feel for me…”

4) Then you became someone different – someone not quite as fun to be around – when all you could do is focus on “getting your needs met.”

Not that there is anything wrong with this, mind you. The problem comes up because you put your needs on hold and hid them for too long.

Then you tried to look like the person you *thought* he was looking for: A woman who had no demands of him.

Until you realized you couldn’t play that act anymore, and probably freaked out.

Here’s a little shocker about men: We know you want us to make a commitment eventually.

If we were truly afraid of that, we’d never get married, or jump into relationships in the first place.

We just want you to want US as much as you want this imaginary idea of “commitment.” Don’t chase the status or the engagement ring so much that you forget about the man.

Make sense?

Which leads me to…

Why he won’t make that commitment to you – Reason #2: He’s not falling in love – he’s being PUSHED into a commitment…

When you try to force a man to do anything, he will run in the opposite direction. FAST.

Trying to force a guy to commit puts him under extreme emotional pressure. I get it – you do this because he seems to be taking forever.

But he’s just trying to enjoy spending time with you – not hit some grandiose title of “committed man.”

When a man feels pressured and obligated to do something, he will associate those bad feelings with you, too.

Just take a step back, breathe deep, and realize that the only way to motivate him to commit to you is by dropping the fixation you have with commitment.

Do that, and you’ll actually get that commitment.

I get it – you’re trying to get rid of that nagging sense of insecurity about the relationship.

But guess what? Even after you finally get to the next “official” stage of devotion, you’ll just find new things to be insecure about a few days later.

It’s a hollow accomplishment to seek some kind of “definite” when it comes to relationships, let alone the imaginary state of “committed.”

Look – chances are the guy you’re with is already committed to you. You just don’t know it.

There’s nothing official or binding about the status of “committed.” It’s just an idea in your head.

The only thing you ever have that’s a sure thing is when you’re together and enjoying the time you have with each other. And even that is fleeting.

He will actually want to be in a long-term, exclusive relationship with you if he feels that it’s something you’re on the road to accomplish – not running to catch.

Instead of obsessing over a title or a grand gesture of commitment, focus on enjoying the quality of time you spend with each other.

That’s what a man pays attention to in a relationship. He pays attention to how he feels when he’s with you – and if it’s a good time.

And now we finally have:

REAL Reason your guy won’t commit to you #3: You’re trying to be the imaginary woman he will commit to…

Most women spend far too much time trying to BE the woman he wants, instead of BEING the woman they are, and then watching to see which men find her attractive.

You’ll never be the perfect Goddess that attracts any and all men to you. It’s a narcissistic delusion to think it’s possible.

But most women know that they can be the woman ALMOST any man wants simply by not trying to be someone else.

As Oscar Wilde once said: “Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.”

He’ll instantly want to lock you in when he sees that – most of the time – you’re the woman that not only makes himself feel good about himself, but you genuinely enjoy him and the time you have together.

No one runs to hide from the person who makes them feel good about themselves.

Oh, by the way, here’s the complete lyric from that song I mentioned earlier. I like the final thought that the whole thing communicates – and it’s a good message for any woman:

“When the heart rules the mind, one look and love is blind…
“If you want the dream to last, take a chance … forget the past…”

If you’d like to discover the rules of the heart – and how to rule HIS mind – check out this video on the secrets of being truly irresistible to men.

Once you learn how to activate a guy’s built-in attraction mechanism in his head, his heart won’t be far behind. Then you won’t have to worry about making him want to commit to you – he’ll do that all on his own willingly – click here to find out how.

The #1 Secret To Awaken A Man To Your Love

Having a man close to you is a wonderful feeling…

The warmth of his embrace…
The smell of his skin…
The safety and comfort when you’re near him…

And one of the most frustrating things a woman can feel is the suspicion that you might have accidentally pushed him away…

That you may have even scared a good man off for good.

Well, the truth is this:
(WARNING – I’m not going to sugar-coat this)

The reason he doesn’t want you or desire you is simply because you never made him feel like you really “GET” him.

You Gotta Show Him You GET him!

Let me explain…

Most women think it’s enough to make herself look appealing by fixing her hair, makeup, and clothes. The usual “peacocking” stuff that captures his eye.

The thought goes that, if you make yourself LOOK good enough, he’ll desire you and fall in love with you…

But this is backwards. And it feels *desperate* to men.

YES, you absolutely do need to be appealing to the eye (and that does NOT mean you need to look like a supermodel or have backbreaking boobs.) There is no question that this will initiate interest.

HOWEVER…

What he REALLY needs to feel
is that you UNDERSTAND him
as a MAN…

And you’d be VERY surprised how easy it is to send a guy the wrong signal and make him think you don’t get him AT ALL.

For example: A lot of women pretend to understand a man in order to to pry open his heart. But it backfires on her when she doesn’t do it the right way…

Like when she pretends to be interested in his hobbies or sports or television shows, but it’s just her faking “good behavior.” You know, that “getting to know you” pretending that both men and women sometimes do.

QUICK SECRET: Men And Women
Have Developed a Keen Radar
For BS!

Most human conversations (these days, anyway) tend to have the feel of: “Mmm hmmm. Mmm hmmm. Just waiting for my turn to speak.”

To be fair, we all get a little nervous on dates.

And we want to yak it up and make a good impression. But sometimes we gotta drop the whole “Facebook culture” thing and not need to broadcast ourselves or our lives.

SO when a woman pretends (even if she’s really sure she’s putting up a good act of interest), an alarm goes off in his head when he figures it out (and believe me, he DOES) – and then slams the door to his love on you.

It can happen on the first date
– or the umpteenth…
There’s no statute of limitations here

You have to show him that you not only understand MEN – but the unique things about HIM as a man.

Do you know WHY men brag? (Hint: This presentation will explain that whole ‘egotistical braggart’ thing some guys do.)
Do you know what the sign of a man’s interest is that you’re probably missing? (Yup, it’s the presentation, too…)
Do you know how to make him feel like a man, and not just a possible meal ticket? (That’s a real concern for a lot of guys.)

So, we men know when a woman “GETS” us – and is on our team – and when it’s just a trick to get us to dig her.

But if you show him
the “Secret Signal” he’s looking for
– he instantly melts for you…

If you show him this Signal, you can have just about any man spellbound – IRRESISTIBLY desiring you…

(It’s almost like cheating…)

Oh, and if you think that the “Secret Signal” men are looking for is SEX – that’s NOT it!

TIP: the *worst* mistake you can make is to sleep with him too quickly just because you think he might “move on” if you don’t…

For example – I just got off the phone with Rebecca – a client, who’s now a close friend of mine…

After losing her husband to another woman, at the age of 39, well – she’s falling back in love, and talking about a new baby…

Now, if you had seen Rebecca just 3 months ago at the mall, where they had an argument so loud and scary that the police had to escort them out (no joke)…

You would NEVER have thought
this was possible…

But she pulled it off… I gotta hand it to her.

You see, what Rebecca discovered was the ONE thing that men desire most of all from women.

And if you think it’s that same three letter word that starts with S and ends with X …

NOPE.

Not that at all.

Again, so many women assume that this is what men want, and ALL they want.

It’s such a well-known
and accepted fact
about men that
it must be true… right?

Nope. I’ll give you a little hint about what he needs –

It’s called APPRECIATION.

Men THRIVE on appreciation. In fact, he wants to feel this more than he wants to feel love from you.

Why?

Because it’s one of the signals that tells him he’s doing things RIGHT.

It’s the ONE way he knows he’s making you happy, when you appreciate him. Appreciation is the male form of LOVE!

It’s also one of the reasons he falls in love in the first place. But, inevitably, the appreciation starts to wane…

And the distance creeps in…

He seems distant…

Hard to reach…

OR – if you’re just going out on a first date with him, but things fizzle – and you never hear from him again…

Chances are, you missed showing him THIS secret signal.

Here – let me show you
how to stop this from
ever happening again…

If you’d like to know what this Secret Signal is that makes men desire you uncontrollably, I’d like you to watch this new video presentation

And you’ll also discover something incredibly exciting – a NEW way for you to unlock the secrets of the male mind…

Don’t let something interrupt you – Go Here NOW…

Talk to you soon…

– Carlos Cavallo

PS: Go watch the video here and discover the Secret Signal…

Why Men Pull Away

I want to talk with you about crossing that gender divider for a minute to come over to the guy side. I want to talk to you about what it’s like for guys on the other side of the fence and how we think and what’s going through our minds.

I’m sure that’s something you’re curious about.

You’re wondering, “What is going through his meaty little head? Why is he so confusing?”

Well, the reality is he’s really not that confusing if you know how simple we actually think. We often look for a lot more meaning behind something than is actually there.

One of the things that social anthropologists have figured out about the difference between men and women is that women very often look for much more meaning behind the words.

The reason guys do this is actually very practical, it’s because most of the women that he grew up with and most of the girls he socialized with did kind of hide the meaning behind what they really meant.

Because, unfortunately, as a woman you couldn’t be as direct.

Directness in a woman is not a rewarded trait.

When you’re a kid, if you’re too direct, well, you’re thought of as being the “difficult girl” or the “bitchy girl” – or pretty much the one that “stood out.” It was a non-desirable trait in a woman, let’s say it that way.

Being up-front and direct didn’t go well with other girls so you had to be a smooth talker.

You had to be socially savvy and to smooth out the wrinkles – AND stay political in your dealings with other girls.

As a result, what happened was you knew that other girls were hiding things under their words. They rarely said exactly what they meant.

And you had to be very careful how you pried information out. They weren’t giving up all the goods.

Now, what this means to most women is that you grew up thinking EVERYBODY is like that. That guys are like that.

That we’re somehow hiding a lot of information behind our words. Sometimes we are, because we don’t want to hurt a woman’s feelings.

But most times, we say pretty much exactly what we’re thinking and feeling.

That’s like a primary drive for men: we want to make you happy.

So we may not be as direct sometimes, and sometimes we’ll just white lie our way through a situation to avoid confrontation.

But that’s not something you need to be concerned about because once a guy is IN the relationship with you, generally speaking, guys will most often tell you exactly what they’re thinking.

Now, I’ve given a much more detailed analysis of the different times when a guy does hold back a little bit on the truth and when you should be looking further into his words, and I talk about that in the Connection Code.

It’s one of my banner products for those of you that are looking to have a better relationship and really create a connection with a man:

Now, what I want to show you are the things that make guys freak out when we’re dating and what occasionally throws us for a loop. This is good information for you to know because you’ll be aware what some of our sore spots are.

Now, here’s some of the things we worry about:

– “What if she’s not that impressed with us?”

– “What if she’s not impressed with me?”

– “Should I maybe show off some pictures of my karate championship trophies, or stuff like that?”

We don’t want to disappoint women, and we don’t even know necessarily what it is you even like about us. We wonder how do we play ourselves up and how do we impress you as well as avoid disappointing you with the things that we can’t do well.

So we worry – what if you’re not impressed with us? What if you don’t find us interesting enough to be sexually attracted to?

Another thing we worry about is the conversation during the date.

Such as, what if my best joke doesn’t really get you to laugh? There’s nothing worse for us than the thought of that pregnant pause or the uncomfortable silence after somebody tells a joke and the other person doesn’t find it all that funny.

It’s basically one of the most traumatic things that the guy can experience on a date.

He doesn’t want to experience that, but he’s going to try anyway, so he’s got that fear running through his head.

What if he’s got to go pee in the middle of dinner? He’s going to leave you for a minute, and what if he has to do it more than once because he’s got “nervous bladder syndrome.”

What’s that going to do? What kind of impression is that going to make for you?

Believe it or not, yeah, we wonder about that.

We worry about being stood up.

This is a huge one for guys. We definitely do not want to be sitting at a restaurant petrified at making eye contact with anybody including our waiter because we got stood up.

She didn’t show up for the date, and then we got to try and play it off like, “Oh yeah, I didn’t think she’s going to show up anyway.”

Now, that’s a huge one for us, getting stood up is awful for a guy. It’s terrible.

This is the same as it is for women.

What if she happens to bring up her ex-boyfriend? Yikes.

Or what if I accidentally talk about my ex-girlfriend? Oh.

Or what if one of them shows up at the restaurant? Aah!

There’s nothing worse than having basically nothing to talk about, but actually even worse than that is having to hear about or talk about an ex-boyfriend of hers that she’s clearly not gotten over yet.

Which tells us right off the bat we’re not getting anywhere and this date is basically a therapy session.

Or we both end up going on and on about our ex-girlfriend/ex-boyfriend and it turns out to be a mutual therapy session instead of a date. It’s not cool.

But that’s one that you can help with by NOT bringing up your ex. Just leave him out of the picture. He doesn’t need to be there.

What if we take you to a restaurant and the restaurant is more expensive than we expect? Or you ordered a lobster?

On Yelp, it’s one of those five dollar sign restaurants, and we feel our wallet emptying. We are fully intending to pick up the check, but you know what, NOT every guy is made out of money.

And if he’s out there on the dating scene, he’s a little cost conscious.

I mean, he’s not intending to be cheap, but he’s just got to keep in mind that he’s got to be able to afford his own hobbies, his own life.

And he’s got to be able to court women – most of whom he may never see again!

We get used to that as guys. Our math is that for every ten dates we go out on, who knows… MAYBE one of those turns into a one night stand or at least a short-term girlfriend, but those are ten dates we’ve got to spend upwards of $75 or more on depending on the restaurant you go to.

Then we worry about, “Oh, how much should we drink?

Should we drink a little? Should we drink a lot?

How much is enough? How much is enough to make it socially lubricated and interesting enough for you?”

Should we match whatever you’re drinking because you’re probably going to be nervous too?

Could we get so drunk that the date is actually no longer awkward?

What will happen if we have to run off and puke?

Would we get so drunk that we’re going to do a one night stand that neither one of us remembers?

Yeah, so we worry about the drinking situation.

What about the condom?

Oh yeah, a guy’s got to carry a condom because it’s his responsibility even though, yes, more and more today women do carry their own protection with them.

Guys don’t want to look cocky or that he’s being presumptuous if he flashes you his Trojan-Ribbed-for-her-pleasure sticking out of your wallet.

But we also don’t want to also be without one, just in case. So we’ve got to be careful about showing that telltale ring silhouette in our wallet.

Next worry: How do I look?

Did I dress myself up correctly here?

Does it look like my mom did this?

What does this shirt say about me as a person?

That’s a crazy thing we have to worry about, but it’s one that women can relate to.

We have to actually try and think about what women interpret things because we do know that women look at our appearance with a lot of scrutiny. We do our best, and we probably never do well enough, but we try.

Another thing we worry about when it comes to dating is: What is the best way to ask somebody out without sounding like a creepy stalker dude?

Or on the other hand, sound like he doesn’t really care that much, so he doesn’t sound too needy. He doesn’t want to sound too nonchalant either, so how do we walk that line?

When we find somebody that we’re totally into, asking her out is a whole other question for guys because we don’t want to risk that rejection. It’s big, Big, BIG deal with guys.

The rejection issue is a killer of confidence – so we’ve got to figure out how soon do we ask her out – and how long do we wait?

Do we avoid saying anything for sometimes years, like some guys do?

Or do we ask her immediately?

Do we get her phone number and then we text her a lot and then try and build a connection?

And then we think, “Okay, do I ask her out when I text her or should I call her up and text her … or should I maybe send her a note in a bottle or maybe a delivery boy can stick it in her Chinese food?”

The options here are just unbelievably complicated, and of course, they stress us out.

Then we worry about YOU.

We worry “Maybe this chick might be like not so hot or maybe she’s not so interesting.”

When I say “not so hot,” I don’t mean appearance, like she’s not what we thought she was or she’s not that attractive or wasn’t as attractive as we thought on first impression. She isn’t as bubbly or giggly or cute.

We’re going to see those parts of her that may not be all that attractive. So we worry about, “What if we’re wasting our time?”

That first impression that we thought was great, well, that was a complete fluke, or maybe we were both just too drunk to really notice any difference.

Then we worry about whether or not we’re really going to be compatible or we’re really going to be interested in each other.

We even worry about, when it comes to the end of that date, do we kiss her?

SHOULD we kiss her?

Should we try for a hug?

Or if I do kiss her, what happens when I do?

Am I going to forget how to do it?

Am I going to be a total slob about it?

That whole idea of the first kiss with a certain person is such an awkward moment that your brain basically blacks everything out.

Have you noticed that? I call it “first kiss blackout.”

It’s where you go for the kiss, you don’t even realize what happened until after you pull away and you’re like, “Oh, was that good?”

You don’t know because your mind blotted it out. You don’t want to face the reality so you’re going to have to basically try out an old skill all over again with a new person.

Of course, it’s something that comes naturally with somebody that you’ve been with for a while, but the first time with somebody new… holy geez, it’s scary!

Last but not least, there is that ultimate overriding fear of everything which is:

What if we don’t get another date with this girl?

I mean, there’s a kind of twisted relief we men feel when we reach that moment on a date and we get to leave. We get to walk home or walk back to our car and realize, “Wheew, thank God it’s over.”

Sometimes – and this is even more neurotic – We know we’re never going to see each other again… and actually it feels good! Even when we liked you.

It feels like you’ve just got off a roller coaster and you can finally relax. It might have been a little touch and go there for a while, but we survived.

That’s not such a bad situation.

Well – there is another worry.

What we worry the most about is the prospect that the date goes well, and that means we’ve got to ask for a second date – and we’ve got to do this whole thing all over again. What if we get another date and what if all these things happen all over again?

So do you see how that mental stress compounds for a guy?

It’s mixed up and it makes our dating life, I wouldn’t say miserable, but it definitely makes it much more neurotic and anxiety-ridden than it needs to be.

But there’s an effective way to take all those negative, stressful emotions out of the equation. And that’s understanding what makes a guy tick to cut through the confusion.

My new course will show you exactly how to do that <– Click HERE to learn more